Fat Wedding, Part 5: Horror Show

 This is a “pulse-taking” of bridal motivations to lose weight, how much they want to lose in what time-span, and what they say they need to do and why.

I searched for “lose weight wedding” in Google. These are from hits on the first  search resuls page.

43 Things.com – lose weight for the wedding

This is one of those odd “goal sites” where people set goals, and others adopt the goals. The pages of goals are set up in comment-form style, and you get to see the comments of different individuals. I found some very horrifying, self-deprecating, ignorant, infuriatingly hateful comments, as well as some extreme goals.  Here are a smattering of comments, each from different posters.

WE NEED TO MOTIVATE each OTHER!!! I wanna see some progress notes up here… I am 5’4 have an 11 month old baby and I want to – no I WILL loose 40 pounds before my wedding… I weigh 180 now… AND I WANT TO BE HEALTHY FOR MY WEDDING AND MY HONEYMOON… The BMI scale says I’m OBESE! I’m marrying the man of my dreams and I want him to be proud and giddy to have me on his arm!

This is the showcase piece of my whole post, I’m thinking. It epitomizes what I’ve been observing about weight and its relationship to earning one’s “big day.” She equates losing 40 lbs after pregnancy to being “healthy,” disgusted that the “BMI scales says I’m OBESE!” (which we’ve been taught to think, via bullshit science and media scare-tactics, equals “unhealthy”). The last sentence is just really, really sad. Will the man of her “dreams” be less proud if his new wife and likely mother of his new child is 40 lbs “overweight”? Will she deserve to marry him less?

This next poor lady, who wants to lose 90 lbs, is definitely buying into the moral value argument tie-in to marriage.

I have a while to go before my Sept. 2008 wedding but I’m starting my weight loss now! I’m around 230 and want to get back to my high school weight of 140.

One of my dreams is to make him cry when he sees me! He always tell me how beautiful I am, I want to take it to the extreme for my wedding day. I want to see a tear or two roll down his cheek! :)

I’m not doing anything special to lose weight but working out & trying to eat right. Any suggestions or ideas to keep me on the right track?

90 lbs is definitely quite extreme. I’d say she’s doing exactly right to work out and try to eat right. Unfortunately, that’s not going to make her lose 90 lbs. And that is absolutely okay! Will your groom love you more if you walk down the aisle 90 lbs lighter? Have women, in our culture, really internalized the connection between weight and worthiness of love to that extent?

This next one makes me feel sick to my stomach. It feels…really wrong somehow. Thinperior tone. Ugh. It really drives home the point that the wedding day isn’t about “getting healthy” but losing weight (even though it seemed she had to do so by accident).

I was already small but I had bought a UK size 6 wedding dress as I’d ordered it from US and I was confused about the sizes so I ordered it too small!! Left it till the last minute to lose weight, I lost about 9lbs in 2 weeks!! Not the healthiest way to go about it but at least I looked good in the dress!!! haha

This one is very sad:

I’m getting married March 18th and just put my dress on last night to get it altered and it’s TOO small! I’m busting out of it. I thought I was going to cry. So I have 3 weeks to lose as much weight as possible. Today I’m fasting, well, liquids only. I want to shrink my stomach so I will fill up faster when I start eating again tomorrow. Starting tomorrow I’m going to do the no carb diet and then 10 days before the wedding I’m going to do this: http://www.healthynewage.com/lose-10-pounds.html. I’ll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck and let me know if you have any advice!

So much for “health.”  Just pay for the alteration, it’s better than destroying your body for the last few weeks before your wedding, which you’ll get through in a starved, sick fog.

Well, I read the entries so far and I get the sense we are all in the same boat. I really don’t want to be a heavy bride, I want to feel like a “woman” and love what I look like and forever be proud of my wedding pictures. Well at 236 pounds and 5 feet 1 inches – there is no way I will come near achieving any of that. I’m getting married in July 2007… I know that seems pretty far away but to lose 100 pounds, without surgery, I am going to need 18 months. I know the only way to do this is to diligently count my calories everyday and to get into a committed exercise regimine. One day at a time, but today, it just seems like so much work is going to have to happen to have my goals met. I simply doubt myself that I can do this. But I am willing to try…. and I need some support.

So fat females aren’t “women”? Fat brides aren’t “women”? The only way you’ll be “proud” of your wedding photos is if they feature an acceptably thin bride? The ceremony, the decorations, your groom, the wedding party, the church, the reception, the guests, those photos won’t make you proud, only if they feature a bride with razor-sharp collarbones?

My brain hurts.

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5 comments on “Fat Wedding, Part 5: Horror Show

  1. vesta44 says:

    Geez louize! When I got married (and it was my first marriage, mind you), I didn’t even worry about my weight or what I was going to wear (I wore the outfit I made for my son’s wedding). I was more worried about how we were going to fit all the family members (his and mine) in the house for the wedding and was the weather going to cooperate (it was December). All I cared about was getting married (I waited 35 years for the right man to come along, I wasn’t about to worry about being too fat to get married). I got what I wanted and it was a wonderful day, and I don’t have any regrets that I was fat, I still looked damned good.

  2. Sandy says:

    I think a lot of women are more about the wedding itself than the marriage. It sounds harsh…but I feel it is true especially of younger brides. I also think that many people get caught up in what others think is the ideal or perfect wedding. I know my ILs tried their damndest to get us to have a traditional wedding…and since it was my second marriage I fought them the whole way to do what I wanted!!!

    I didn’t diet for my wedding to DH. We didn’t have it in a church. We actually didn’t even have flowers. I also was BAREFOOT! LOL I am miffed that some things didn’t go off as planned (but in my experience dealing with weddings at one of my old workplaces, my issues were totally minor)…but I love my pictures. I had a friend comment that I looked soo young and beautiful in my pictures…and HAPPY. Some of my pictures make me look fatter than I was…but that is because my dress had an empire waist and it would billow out.

    I do wish we had more candid photos, but we were all about the party not anything else. His family was sooo upset that we didn’t have a traditional wedding (it was outside in the park and we grilled our food instead of hiring a caterer and we told everyone to come in shorts and tshirts!).

    I tell everyone I know who is getting married there are only really 3 things you NEED for your wedding…someone who can legally marry you, a license for the area you are going to be married in, and yourselves. Everything else is gravy.

  3. anwenwenwenwen says:

    Hey there – I’ve been reading the Fat Wedding posts and if your Mr Groom is daft enough to decide that you have just NOT EARNED your Big Day(tm) with sufficient starvation etc, would you marry me instead? Because you are clearly at least seventeen types of awesome. Damn, this stuff is sick-making (which, you know, hey, might make me thin! Woot!)

  4. alabamayellowhammer says:

    Man, I don’t understand how people handle the stress of planning a wedding and losing weight at the same time.

    I didn’t lose one single pound for my wedding, not even when my mom suggested that I might want to. My husband still cried a little when he saw me. I still look good in my pictures. I was still a beautiful bride.

    And also, I didn’t feel like crap on my wedding day.

    Word to the ladies: You’re going to be stressed out anyway. Just eat normally, buy a gown that fits.

  5. Lindsay says:

    I’m marrying the man of my dreams and I want him to be proud and giddy to have me on his arm!

    If he’s not proud and giddy to have you on his arm (i’m wincing at the implication of dehumanization, here) regardless of how you look? Then you shouldn’t be walking down the aisle with him.

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